A very handy tool for approaching any conflict situation that needs to be resolved is E.A.R.
Ask the people involved to:
Express – What you want and what are you doing to get it.
Address – Why it is working or not working.
Resolve – What ways there are to solve the situation.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Devil’s Advocate is one of the roles of a mediator. A good mediator such as myself, does not forfeit his personal opinions simply because he serves as a neutral facilitator. These opinions and preconceptions can help inform certain beliefs. However, a strong mediator knows how to view a case from multiple angles. This is an important quality to possess as it helps provide a counter point to a party or attorney’s one-sided approach.
A Strong Mediator
A strong mediator gives consideration to the strengths and weaknesses of both sides. When in a private caucus with one side, the mediator may mention a potential weakness in this side’s argument. He may even ask the party what his or her argument would be if he or she was on the other side. He or she may get the attorney to contemplate the same scenario and ask for facts and legal theories that would support the other side.
By recognizing the strengths of the other side and the weaknesses of their own side, parties can start to contemplate the potential of what would happen if they lose. This can often inspire them to fully participate in negotiations so that they can avoid the possibility of losing the case or facing other adverse effects.
Sounding Board
Mediator is a “sounding board” for your arguments, and for offers/counter offers. I can deal with the hypotheticals and be a “coach”, to deliver bad news and explain opponents’ responses to offers. I, as a strong mediator give you an opportunity to explain the case to a neutral person help you and your attorney evaluate your case. Finally, a good mediator helps identify components of solutions from your stand point and delivers bad news to both sides.
For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.
About the Author:Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
The better the information you have, the greater your chances of finding a workable solution.Listen carefully to what others are saying, not judging until you hear everyone’s story.Be aware of tone of voice, body language, and other clues. Understand what each person is expressing – what he wants and what he is willing to do to get there.Then clarify that the solution lies with all parties.
Listen carefully to what others are saying without judgment until you have everyone’s side of the story. Clarify what you have heard and then reframe it back to each party.Remember the solution lays with both parties not you.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
I’m privileged to be an adult staff member for a National Youth Leadership Training (NYLT) course.It is a very satisfying experience and a lot of fun.One key topic on the course is how to resolve conflicts as a leader.This blog is adapted from this course.
Leading the youth through this necessary topic allows me to bring my professional expertise in settling disputes to the more practical issues of conflict resolution.The course can be applied to any situation as a young person or adult.
The learning objectives of the conflict resolution course are:
Know and articulate several ways that good leadership can minimize conflict.
Understand how the acronym E.A.R.can be used as a tool for resolving conflicts (Express, Address, Resolve).
Use several communications skills important for resolving conflicts
Know when, as a leader, the resolution of a conflict is beyond your expertise and how to seek help in resolving the conflict.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Don’t be afraid of anger – angry people can’t lie.
The first step to resolve any conflict is to defuse anger.But do not be afraid of anger.An angry person can’t lie because anger is a primitive emotional response.To lie, you must control your emotions and turn on your intellect.So when someone is angry, whatever they are telling you contains some truth.Beware that this does not stop good actors.A good actor merely appears to be angry as they try to control the situation
There are several reasons for anger:
To vent. An angry person needs to let off steam and release the anger that may have been brewing for a long time.To resolve the conflict you need to allow this to happen, but try to control it by reframing their issues.
To get the listener’s attention. An angry person wants to know that you are paying attention.Use good listening skills to demonstrate that you are paying attention.
To be heard. An angry person wants someone to listen to their point of view.To resolve the conflict, you need to acknowledge the feelings you hear so that the speaker knows you appreciate how angry they are.
To be understood. An angry person wants someone to appreciate how they feel.Therefore try to empathize with their experience so that they feel you understand the situation, and acknowledge their ‘right’ to feel the way they do.This does not mean that you should agree with their justification.You do want to remain neutral in the conflict and not pick sides.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on feelings and emotions.
Feelings and emotions – Many people let their feelings and emotions become a major influence over how they deal with conflict. Conflicts can also occur because people ignore their own or others’ feelings and emotions. Other conflicts occur when feelings and emotions differ over a particular issue.
I began with “many people let their feelings and emotions become a major influence…” In reality, all people have emotional responses to conflict. Some are just not being honest with themselves. Pride is a major driver of the emotions. Feelings and emotions impact the ability to resolve a conflict regardless of the value in dispute.
For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on values.
Values are beliefs or principles we consider to be very important. Serious conflicts arise when people hold incompatible values or when values are not clear. Conflicts also arise when one party refuses to accept the fact that the other party holds something as a value rather than a preference. To resolve the conflict, clarify each party’s values.
Values influence perceptions and at times it is hard to distinguish the two concepts. In resolving conflicts, it is easier to equate the two in order to bring resolution. Just be aware that values influence perceptions.
Just looking at a common definition of the word will help: the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. Likewise – a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. Useful synonyms: principles, ethics, moral code, morals, standards, code of behavior.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
The ingredients of any conflict is power. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on power.
Power – How people define and use power is an important influence on the number and types of conflicts that occur. This also influences how conflict is managed. Conflicts can arise when people try to make others change their actions or to gain an unfair advantage.
Power is a powerful human motivation. In difficult conflicts, there are only two real reasons we as humans act.
One is for stimulation.
The other and more important one is to establish the perception of control of the situation.
We are all looking for control of our situation. Everyone wants to establish or reestablish the perception of control.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Perceptions are part of any conflict. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on perceptions.
Perceptions – All humans interpret reality differently. They perceive differences in the severity, causes and consequences of problems. Misperceptions or differing perceptions may come from: self-perceptions, others’ perceptions, differing perceptions of situations and perceptions of threat. How something is framed will affect its perception. So in conflict resolution, reframing is an important task to get to a solution.
Just by observing the news of the world, we can easily see that different people perceive a situation totally differently. The perceptions are influenced by different histories, geographic locations, religious values, etc. They are what we all bring to the table.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Needs are ingredients of any conflict. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are needs, perceptions, power, values, and feelings and emotions. Today, I am focusing on needs.
Needs – Needs are physical requirements essential to our well-being. Conflicts arise when we ignore others’ needs, our own needs or the group’s needs. It is important to not confuse needs with desires. Desires are the things we would like to have but are not essential to our survival.
By the time it is necessary to resolve a conflict; usually the needs are lost or hidden by the other ingredients of the conflict. Therefore it is important to spend time ascertaining those needs.
For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.
About the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
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About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
