Ken Strongman, Esq. – Mediator

Category: Speaking & Training

Themes and topics that I can speak upon and conduct trainings.

  • Resolving conflicts through negotiation

    negociationResolving conflicts through negotiation.

    Resolving Conflict is a part of life. Negotiation is how conflicts are resolved. Hopefully, they can be resolved peacefully and to the satisfaction of both parties to the conflict. It is also part of any leaders skill set. Therefore, some of these blog postings will deal with ways a leader can help resolve conflicts.

    I hope to provide useful information on:

    • Know and articulate several ways that good leadership can minimize conflict.
    • Understand how the acronym E.A.R. can be used as a tool for resolving conflicts (Express, Address, Resolve).
    • Use several communications skills important for resolving conflicts
    • Know negotiating skills to resolve conflicts for the benefit of all parties to the conflict.

    All conflict resolution involves negotiation. Therefore as a starting point, let’s look at the definition and characteristics of negotiation.

    What is Negotiation

    Negotiation is a voluntary, non-binding bargaining process, in which the parties to a dispute attempt resolution among themselves.  Often, agents of the disputing parties (their lawyers, real estate agents, accountants, and so forth), who are in actual communication with each other, are the negotiators.  The actual disputing persons sometimes do not meet or participate in direct discussions until most, or all, of the dispute has been resolved.

    Characteristics of Negotiation

    The chief characteristics of negotiation are:

    • Mutual Consent. Negotiation is voluntary.  The parties cannot be compelled to negotiate or even negotiate in good faith.  Negotiations cease when one party declines to continue.
    • Successful Result is Enforceable. A negotiated settlement, usually memorialized in a written agreement, is as valid and enforceable as any common law contract.
    • The parties and/or their agents are in personal contact with each other.  A third party neutral is involved in negotiations.
    • No statute or case law governs the process of negotiation.  Some prefer to negotiate in person.  Others use letters, e-mail, or telephone calls.  Still others negotiate through agents or intermediaries.
    • Negotiation is a process, taking place over time, as opposed to a single meeting or a brief exchange of correspondence.
    • Negotiators share facts and arguments often in a disorganized manner.  Negotiators posture and obfuscate, misstate the law, rail and threat and bluff, implore and cajole, and mix fact with fiction, exaggeration, and lies, during a series of back-and-forth communications.
    • Negotiations are usually conducted in private.  Publicity is anathema to a frank exchange of opinions, offers, and demands negotiations.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • A handy tool for resolving conflicts.

    conflict tool
    Tool for resolving conflicts

    A very handy tool for approaching any conflict situation that needs to be resolved is E.A.R. 

    Ask the people involved to:

    Express – What you want and what are you doing to get it.

    Address – Why it is working or not working.

    Resolve – What ways there are to solve the situation.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

     

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Mediators Playing the Devil’s Advocate

    Devil's Advocate
    Devil’s Advocate

    Mediators Playing the Devil ’s Advocate

    Devil’s Advocate is one of the roles of a mediator. A good mediator such as myself, does not forfeit his personal opinions simply because he serves as a neutral facilitator. These opinions and preconceptions can help inform certain beliefs. However, a strong mediator knows how to view a case from multiple angles. This is an important quality to possess as it helps provide a counter point to a party or attorney’s one-sided approach.

    A Strong Mediator

    A strong mediator gives consideration to the strengths and weaknesses of both sides. When in a private caucus with one side, the mediator may mention a potential weakness in this side’s argument. He may even ask the party what his or her argument would be if he or she was on the other side. He or she may get the attorney to contemplate the same scenario and ask for facts and legal theories that would support the other side.
    By recognizing the strengths of the other side and the weaknesses of their own side, parties can start to contemplate the potential of what would happen if they lose. This can often inspire them to fully participate in negotiations so that they can avoid the possibility of losing the case or facing other adverse effects.

    Sounding Board

    Mediator is a “sounding board” for your arguments, and for offers/counter offers. I can deal with the hypotheticals and be a “coach”, to deliver bad news and explain opponents’ responses to offers. I, as a strong mediator give you an opportunity to explain the case to a neutral person help you and your attorney evaluate your case. Finally, a good mediator helps identify components of solutions from your stand point and delivers bad news to both sides.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • To a Lawyer, what is a tweet? i.e. a definition for an attorney.

    definition of a tweet
    definition of a tweet

    Lawyers need to understand the basic definition of a tweet. Twitter is only one aspect of Social Media that Legal Professionals need to master. My Project Social Media presents my thoughts regarding the impact of social media marketing on the practice of law. See my page to for more information.

    What is a Tweet?

    A tweet is 140 characters long. This is the bane of the legal community and any one that appreciates proper English, although a tweet can be in any language. We in the legal community have a tendency to be verbose. We want to add a lot of wherefore’s and whereas’ to clarify what we are trying to communicate. You can’t do that in 140 characters. About the only thing you can communicate is a headline. Good grammar goes down the drain. If you start to think in headlines you will start to get the hang of Twitter.

    Here’s the real limit. A space is a character. A period is a character. So a period and two spaces between two sentences is a total of three characters. A special character is also a character. So that quote marks and apostrophes count towards the 140 limit.

    This be comes problematic when you want, and you do want, to link to a website. Website addresses are long by their very nature. They, without difficulty will push you over the 140 limit. Services have developed to help circumvent this problem by shortening a URL. The added advantage is that they will also track how many times the link on your tweet is accessed.

    You also do not want to use all 140 characters for your tweet because it will limit the ability of someone to retweet your tweet. We will deal with retweeting later.

    **Why the picture of flowing water?  Twitter is a constant flow of information and communications. 

     

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Listening is the best way to resolve conflicts.

    listening
    Listening to resolve conflicts

    The better the information you have, the greater your chances of finding a workable solution.  Listen carefully to what others are saying, not judging until you hear everyone’s story.  Be aware of tone of voice, body language, and other clues.  Understand what each person is expressing – what he wants and what he is willing to do to get there.  Then clarify that the solution lies with all parties. 

    Listen carefully to what others are saying without judgment until you have everyone’s side of the story.  Clarify what you have heard and then reframe it back to each party.  Remember the solution lays with both parties not you.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

     

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Teaching youth how to resolve conflicts.

    Teaching youth how to resolve conflicts.

    I’m privileged to be an adult staff member for a National Youth Leadership Training (NYLT) course.  It is a very satisfying experience and a lot of fun.  One key topic on the course is how to resolve conflicts as a leader.  This blog is adapted from this course.

    Leading the youth through this necessary topic allows me to bring my professional expertise in settling disputes to the more practical issues of conflict resolution.   The course can be applied to any situation as a young person or adult.

    The learning objectives of the conflict resolution course are:

    1. Know and articulate several ways that good leadership can minimize conflict.
    2. Understand how the acronym E.A.R.  can be used as a tool for resolving conflicts (Express, Address, Resolve).
    3. Use several communications skills important for resolving conflicts
    4. Know when, as a leader, the resolution of a conflict is beyond your expertise and how to seek help in resolving the conflict.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Podcast – How to use Mediation in Civil Engineering with the Engineering Career Coach

    Civil Engineeering

    Podcast – How to use Mediation in Civil Engineering with the Engineering Career Coach

    I am excited to present my podcast interview with the Engineering Career Coach. With over 750,000 podcast downloads, they sought me out to explain how mediation is useful in the civil engineering and construction fields.

    Here are the links to the podcast:

    Click on the following –

    Engineering Career Coach (Web Download)

    ITunes

    Here are some key points discussed in this episode of The Civil Engineering Podcast:

    Differences between Mediation, Litigation and Arbitration

    • Mediation – You come together to craft the solution to the problem with the help of a mediator (may take 1-3 months)
    • Litigation – You go to the court and have a judge or jury solve your case (based on the court’s time schedule usually takes 5-6 years to come to resolution)
    • Arbitration – A private judging with arbitrators making the final decision and there’s no appeal (you have control over the time schedule)

    Five major steps for engineers in the preparation of mediation:

    1. Prepare yourself, your expectations, your realities, and your intent. Know what you want to communicate. Know what your goals needs and interests are in a solution. Do a risk benefit analysis of where you’re at in the process. Understand where the best and worst alternatives to negotiate a settlement would be. Develop some settlement scenarios: what can you live with, think outside the box. Recognize that the other side has interests, goals and needs as well.
    2. Prepare your attorney. Define your issues with them. Prepare a decision tree. Find out how the attorney wants to represent and showcase you.
    3. Prepare the opposition – their attorney, their adjusters, their decision makers.
    4. Provide the decision makers all the information of what is really going on, and send copies of the mediation brief to other parties.
    5. Prepare the mediator – educate the mediator.

    Qualities of a good mediator:

    1. Able to build trust and confide in quickly
    2. Excellent interpersonal skills
    3. Patience and sense of humor
    4. Creativity in solving problems
    5. Able to think outside of the box
    6. Willing to do everything that he/she can to assist a settlement
    Finally, almost all disputes are initially communication issues, but mediation can help get the communication going again and help to keep your project back on track.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Don’t be afraid of anger – angry people can’t lie.

    don't be afraid
    Don’t be afraid.

    Don’t be afraid of anger – angry people can’t lie.

    The first step to resolve any conflict is to defuse anger.  But do not be afraid of anger.  An angry person can’t lie because anger is a primitive emotional response.  To lie, you must control your emotions and turn on your intellect.  So when someone is angry, whatever they are telling you contains some truth.  Beware that this does not stop good actors.  A good actor merely appears to be angry as they try to control the situation

    There are several reasons for anger:

    To vent. An angry person needs to let off steam and release the anger that may have been brewing for a long time.  To resolve the conflict you need to allow this to happen, but try to control it by reframing their issues. 

    To get the listener’s attention. An angry person wants to know that you are paying attention.  Use good listening skills to demonstrate that you are paying attention.

    To be heard. An angry person wants someone to listen to their point of view.  To resolve the conflict, you need to acknowledge the feelings you hear so that the speaker knows you appreciate how angry they are.

    To be understood. An angry person wants someone to appreciate how they feel.  Therefore try to empathize with their experience so that they feel you understand the situation, and acknowledge their ‘right’ to feel the way they do.  This does not mean that you should agree with their justification.  You do want to remain neutral in the conflict and not pick sides.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

     

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • The ingredients of any conflict – Feelings & Emotions

    Emotional Journey

    All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on feelings and emotions.

    Feelings and emotions – Many people let their feelings and emotions become a major influence over how they deal with conflict. Conflicts can also occur because people ignore their own or others’ feelings and emotions. Other conflicts occur when feelings and emotions differ over a particular issue.

    I began with “many people let their feelings and emotions become a major influence…” In reality, all people have emotional responses to conflict. Some are just not being honest with themselves. Pride is a major driver of the emotions. Feelings and emotions impact the ability to resolve a conflict regardless of the value in dispute.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.

    Ken_Strongman_003smAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Values – One of The ingredients of any conflict

    Values
    Values are important in conflicts

    The ingredients of any conflict – Values

    Values are important within any conflict.

    All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on values.

    Values are beliefs or principles we consider to be very important. Serious conflicts arise when people hold incompatible values or when values are not clear. Conflicts also arise when one party refuses to accept the fact that the other party holds something as a value rather than a preference. To resolve the conflict, clarify each party’s values.

    Values influence perceptions and at times it is hard to distinguish the two concepts. In resolving conflicts, it is easier to equate the two in order to bring resolution. Just be aware that values influence perceptions.

    Just looking at a common definition of the word will help: the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. Likewise – a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. Useful synonyms: principles, ethics, moral code, morals, standards, code of behavior.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.