Category: Mediation

What is Mediation and how to effectively use it to resolve disputes.

  • Being aware of others is important to conflict resolution

    Be aware if others
    Be aware if others

    Being Aware of Others is an Important Step to Resolve Conflicts

    Being aware of others is an important step to conflict resolution.  Being aware of others helps you adjust the situation for a good outcome.  It is important to be aware of their physical comfort and any other factors that might be affecting their emotions. 

    Consider taking a break if necessary

    Consider taking a break if necessary. Now may not be the time to resolve the conflict. It does not have to be resolved instantaneously.  A break of a couple of hours, days or in some cases weeks will create a better outcome.

    Consider the location

    Consider the location.  It is often better to change to a more neutral location, or a least a location where both parties are equally uncomfortable.  Meet away from the rest of the group if possible.  I have found that the bigger the entourage the less likely a resolution can be found.  Each party must save some face, and if the entourage is egging them on, they will not be able to save any face.   We all remember our grade school yards when some one yelled ‘fight’ and the crowd quickly gathers around the combatants.  Without the crowd, they might have agreed to disagree or at least one could have run away. But with the crowd, neither can stop the conflict from proceeding.

    Be aware of their physical comfort

    Be aware of their physical comfort.  They may be tired.  They may be hungry.  They may be in physical pain.  If any of these or similar condition occur, it will be difficult to resolved the conflict.  

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

     

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • FAQ: What is the role of the mediator?

    FAQ_Mediation Mendocino 02 Role
    Mediator’s Role

    Role of the Mediator

    The role of the mediator is not set in stone. Typically the mediator acts as a neutral third party and facilitates rather than directs the process. At all times, the parties and not the mediator control the outcome of the process.

    Establish a Process

    A good mediator is somebody who is able to establish a process, keep that process moving and build on any momentum that may develop during the course of the mediation. A good mediator will quickly identify and understand the key issues and may challenge the parties to consider their respective strengths and their weaknesses as well as the future implications if the parties fail to reach a negotiated settlement.

    In the mediations I conduct, I work hard to keep the parties working towards solutions.  I firmly believe that we are not done until we have a solution or solutions to all disputes between the parties.  The key skill I use is to keep listening to the parties concerns, hopes and desires for a good outcome.

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • When are people most likely to do what you ask?

    NYLT_Ken Strongman 10When are people most likely to do what you ask?  (Especially if it is something they are not excited about!)

    ·     When they trust you

    ·     Experience shows you are a reliable leader and ally

    ·     They understand you make decisions for the good of the group

    ·     They know you care about them

    How many of you have heard the first law of Real Estate: “Location, Location, Location”

    Well the first law of team building is: Relationships, Relationships, Relationships.  Relationships come from involvement with people.  Listening is the most important skill in building those relationships and resolving any conflict, whether the conflict involves you as a participant or as a moderator. Unless you make a conscious effort to listen, you will miss vital facts and beliefs that could lead to a satisfactory resolution.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

     

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • FAQ: What are the potential benefits of mediation?

    Angel Island State Park. Benefits
    Mediation Benefits

    FAQ: What are the potential benefits of mediation?

    It is:

    • A voluntary and confidential process where participants determine the outcome for themselves rather than it being determined by a Judge, jury or an Arbitrator.
    • Offers a wider range of possible outcomes than can ever be determined by a Court.
      Provides an opportunity for the parties to fully participate in the process and therefore, to feel very much part of a successful outcome.
    • Avoids the potential risk of the significant costs in litigation.
    • The mediator can act as an impartial facilitator to a resolution.
    • Ideally suited to multi-party litigation or otherwise complex disputes.
    • Mediation is also appropriate as a method of resolving interpersonal disputes such as those that arise in the workplace, in clubs, in an educational context, etc.
    • Even an unsuccessful mediation can educate the parties on the strengths and weaknesses of their case and the risks involved which may facilitate resolution in due course.
    • Can allow disputes to be resolved in circumstances where a necessary on-going relationship between the parties can be maintained.
    • It provides a timely resolution where as going to trial can take several years.

    Ken_Strongman_003smAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • You need to be aware of yourself before you can resolve a conflict.

    NYLT_Ken Strongman 09 aware
    aware of yourself

    If you are upset or angry, it affects how you relate to others.  You must be aware of your own emotions.  We all have them, so don’t deny them.  If necessary you may need to call a time-out to let your own emotions cool down.

    It is not just having an understanding of your own emotions.  I know that my mediations do not go well if I have a personal distraction.  The distraction doesn’t have to have anything to do with the situation at hand.  It could be something simple like I have less that a quarter of a tank of gasoline in my car, or more complex like there are difficulties at home.  

    Make sure that you have minimized all of your personal distractions.  Be neutral and level headed.  Be aware of your own emotions.  If you are a team leader confronting conflict, you need to keep track of the team’s vision along with your own emotions, wants and desires.

    Finally, if you own the cause of the problem, you may not be the best to resolve the conflict.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

     Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • How do you pay for peacemaking?

    Alcatraz at Dawn
    Alcatraz at Dawn

    What Murderers Can Teach Us about Mediation

    What Murderers Can Teach Us about Mediation was the title of Doug Noll’s key note address to the ADR Section’s annual luncheon.  A more descriptive title might have been What Can Convict Women Serving 25-Life Sentences’ With Little Possibility of Parole in a Maximum Security Prison Teach Us About Getting Along Peacefully with Our Neighbors. 

    Doug Noll and Laurel Kaufer have worked with such women teaching them conflict resolution skills and teaching them how to teach the same skills to other prisoners.  It is hard to evaluate success in such a venture because most attempts at rehabilitation of prisons use recidivism rates to measure success.  Here there are no recidivism rates to measure because these women most likely will never be released.  But that is not to say that Doug and Laurel and the prisoners they work with don’t have success.  The women are duplicating the work among other prisoners.  Thanks to California Prison Realignment the program is growing and replicating itself in other prisons.

    This is part four of my interview with Doug Noll.

    How is Prison of Peace financed? or How do you pay for peacemaking?

    Prison of Peace remains a pro bono effort of two lawyers unassociated with any organization, law firm, faith community, or group. We pay for everything out of our own pockets, including photocopying expenses, pens, paper pads, flip charts, and travel expenses.

    We have received some grants, including $20,000 from the JAMS Foundation, to cover some of our costs. However, we have found that most foundations are not interested in supporting self-help work for inmates serving life sentences. In particular, women serving life sentences seem to be invisible in our society in general and philanthropic foundations in particular. We have a drawer full of rejections.

    The Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation is well aware of our project, but because of budget cuts has no money to support us.

    Tax-deductible charitable gifts may be made to our 501(c)(3) fiscal agent, the Fresno Regional Foundation, in Fresno, California.

    Do you need volunteers? Why not?

    At the moment, we do not have the infrastructure or finances to support a volunteer organization. Recruiting, training, scheduling, coordinating, and evaluating volunteers is

    a full-time job by itself. We simply do not have the ability to do that. In addition, this work is extremely intense and requires complete and total dedication. When we say we will show up, we show up. There is no room for error here because the trust is so difficult to gain and so simple to lose. Thus, anyone interested in this work must recognize that it is a demanding calling.

    What about the online classes in negotiations?

    Because this work takes up so much time, it has cut into our ability to make livings as professional mediators. As a result, we have looked for other revenue sources. Out of this came the idea of developing advanced online legal negotiation training. I created a foundational course that is nine hours long called Negotiation Mastery for the Legal Pro www.legalpronegotiator.com. I have followed that with a master class webinar series in negotiation. All of the proceeds from the nine hour course and the webinars support the project. The course and the webinars are all MCLE approved in California. Information about the course and the webinars can be found at www.legalpronegotiator.com.

    In 2014, I will be launching a new series of online classes for the general public. These webinars and classes will duplicate what we teach in the prisons. We hope to spread the word about these powerful techniques we have developed and provide another revenue stream to support the work. The website for that project is www.negotiateacenteredlife.com.

    Alcatraz's Broadway by ourselves at night.
    Alcatraz’s Broadway by ourselves at night.

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • How do you evaluate success of peacemaking?

    Alcatraz, view from camp site.
    Alcatraz, view from camp site.

    How do you evaluate success of peacemaking?

    This is part three of my interview with Doug Noll detailing his work with Prison of Peace and his work with female murderers serving in California prisons. 

    Doug Noll and Laurel Kaufer have worked with such women teaching them conflict resolution skills and teaching them how to teach the same skills to other prisoners.  It is hard to evaluate success in such a venture because most attempts at rehabilitation of prisons use recidivism rates to measure success.  Here there are no recidivism rates to measure because these women most likely will never be released.  But that is not to say that Doug and Laurel and the prisoners they work with don’t have success.  The women are duplicating the work among other prisoners.  Thanks to California Prison Realignment the program is growing and replicating itself in other prisons.

    How do you gauge success?

    As we were designing the project, we consulted with sociologists at Berkeley and UC Irvine. It became clear that setting up research protocols to measure outcomes empirically and quantitatively would be impossible. There were simply too many variables. Thus, we have used qualitative evaluations from the participants themselves to determine the effectiveness of our teaching. In addition, because the participants must engage in actual peacemaking work and write up each conflict, we have a large set of qualitative data.

    The inmates report to us that the violence in their prisons has been reduced. We have received unsolicited letters from prison officials confirming the reduction in violence. We have heard hundreds of stories of how our peacemakers and mediators have worked. From stopping incipient prison gang riots to dealing with the aftermath of rape, our mediators have stepped up.

    As an unintended effect of the project, we have seen the personal transformation of many inmates. The power of becoming a peacemaker, not only allows them to live a life of service, but requires them to change in dramatic ways internally. We never expected to see the transformations that we have witnessed.

    Examples of success – or failures?

    Success or failure in a project like this is very subjective. As trainers and coaches, we do not get to witness the inmates working to resolve conflicts in their communities. We only get to see the write ups and hear the stories after the fact. As with any conflict, there are occasional failures. However, as we experience in the outside world, the successes are far more common.

    I find it impossible to describe in words the successes I have heard about. For readers interested in hearing the women speak directly, go to the Prison of Peace website www.prisonofpeace.org and watch the videos on the Press & Media page.

    Alcatraz camp site
    Alcatraz camp site

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • What’s it like working with women prisoners serving life sentences?

    Alcatraz Industrial Building - Camping Trip working
    Working with prisoners

    What’s it like working with women prisoners serving life sentences?

    This is part two of my interview with Doug Noll detailing his work with Prison of Peace and his work with female murderers serving in California prisons. 

    Doug Noll and Laurel Kaufer have worked with such women teaching them conflict resolution skills and teaching them how to teach the same skills to other prisoners. 

    What was the first session like?

    Laurel and I were both very experienced mediation trainers. Both of us had worked both nationally and internationally in a variety of contexts. However, neither one of us had ever worked in a maximum security prison. In fact, our first visit to Valley State Prison for Women was the first time either of us had been in a prison. Both of us had been civil trial lawyers before turning to mediation, with little experience in the criminal system.

    Our first group of women, 17 in all, included a variety of ethnic, religious, socioeconomic, educational, and geographical backgrounds. Their ages ranged from late 20s to late 60s. They were all serving life sentences or very long-term sentences. Every one of them had killed another human being.

    Being a second degree black belt in a northern Chinese kung fu martial arts style, I was not particularly fearful of my physical safety. I was mostly concerned about whether or not these women were willing to do the hard work it would take to transform into effective peacemakers and mediators. I was not sure it would work. The women were shut down, skeptical, and seemingly distant. They proved me to be very, very wrong. They turned out to be some of the most amazing human beings I have ever worked with.

    What did you learn about your self?

    I finally learned how to be deeply humble. These women, and all of the subsequent inmates we have trained, have done horrible things. But they have also had horrible things done to them. As a large, dominant, white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant, lawyer male, I was evil incarnate to these women. I had to learn deep humility to gain their trust and respect. It was and has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life.

    How is Prison of Peace set up to replicate itself?

    We decided as we designed the curriculum that the project had to be built to become self-sustaining. Thus, we chose to work with lifers, because we knew they would be imprisoned for a long time. The model we have developed takes life inmates, trains them as peacemakers, then as mediators, and then as trainers. To become a trainer requires over 300 hours of classroom training, and countless hours of homework, reading, and clinical practice. Our trainers train the general population in peacemaking skills. Once we have established a training cadre in a prison, we turn the project over to them. We support them with advanced skills training, problem-solving, and support.

    It generally takes two years to embed Prison of Peace into a prison. In terms of billable hours, if we were billing at $300 per hour, the cost would be in excess of $750,000 per prison. We pay for all the costs out of our own pockets, including gas, lodging, meals, photocopying, and the like.

    Alcatraz Camp Site - Cell Block D.
    Alcatraz Camp Site – Cell Block D.

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Can Female Murderers Find Peace?

    Alcatraz Camping Trip murderers
    Can Murderers Find Peace?

    Can Female Murderers Find Peace?

    Recently I was asked to write an article for a law journal about Doug Noll and Prison of Peace detailing his and Laurel Kaufer’s work with female murderers serving in California prisons.  My interview with Doug was quite enlightening.  Over the next few weeks I will be sharing highlights from our interview.  Here is part one.

    What is Prison of Peace?

    Prison of Peace is a pro bono project that teaches life inmates in California prisons to be peacemakers and mediators within their prison communities. It is currently operating in three California prisons, including the Central California Women’s Facility, Valley State Prison, and the California Institute for Women. In addition, the project is expanding in 2014 into Los Angeles County juvenile facilities.

    How did it start?

    The project started with a letter from an inmate at the old Valley State Prison for Women. She wrote 50 letters to mediators across California asking for someone to teach her Networking Group basic mediation skills. The Networking Group comprised 100 women serving life sentences. They were interested in reducing the violence and conflict in their prison community. At the time, Valley State Prison for Women was regarded as the largest, most dangerous women’s prison in the world. The problem was that young women coming in from the gangs were disrupting daily lives. Most of the time, the guards could not prevent violence. The lifers realized that if they wanted peace, they had to create it themselves.

    How did you get involved? 

    As far as we can tell, 49 of the requests were rejected. The 50th letter landed in Laurel Kaufer’s mail box. Laurel opened the curious-looking envelope from the state prison, read the letter, and without even leaving her mailbox, called me on her cell phone. She read the letter to me and asked me what I thought. Without hesitation, I said, “if this is for real, I think we should do it.”

    Why did you say, yes?

    There was something about this request that resonated deeply within me. At a practical level, I knew that there would be a lot of sacrifice as this was to be a purely pro bono project. But at a deeper level, I saw this as an opportunity to prove the true power of peacemaking. Ever since leaving the practice of law, I had faced ridicule, skepticism, and outright hostility towards the idea of a lawyer turned peacemaker. It was too soft. It was too Kumbayah.. It was completely impractical. It would never work. It might work for those other folks, but it will never work in my conflict. Objection after objection and scorn heaped upon scorn was my fate for deciding to turn away from litigation and become a peacemaker. Mind you, I am a secular human being. My concept of peacemaking is nothing like what religious people think peacemaking is about. I also recognize that the term peacemaking carries a lot of baggage. However, it truly does describe the work of transforming conflict. I thought that this project might be the perfect opportunity to demonstrate to all the naysayers that practical peacemaking was powerful. If I could teach murderers to be peacemakers, who could rationally deny the power of the process and the techniques?

    Alcatraz Camping Trip - Side Yard
    Alcatraz

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • FAQ: What is Mediation?

    FAQ_Mediation Mendocino 02
    What is Mediation?

    Mediation is a form of alternative dispute resolution (ADR), which can be used as a way of resolving a dispute between two or more parties with the assistance of a mediator who acts as a neutral third party and facilitates the process with a view to the parties voluntarily negotiating a settlement of their dispute.  In all of the mediations in which I served as a mediator, I have never dictated the solution to the dispute to the parties.  I have offered suggestions and ideas that they may not have considered. 

    Mediation usually has a structure, timetable and process established and agreed by the parties with the mediator which can help it to be a more effective dispute resolution process than a traditional settlement meeting. The process is private, confidential, without prejudice and non-binding, although the objective is to reach a resolution of the dispute by agreeing to binding settlement agreement.

    It cannot be stressed enough that mediation is a completely voluntary process where the parties with the assistance and guidance of the mediator reach a solution to a dispute that is satisfactory to all parties.  The parties are in complete control of the solution. 

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.