If I, as mediator, give my opinion in a dispute, doesn’t that mean I am biased?
Absolutely not! I as mediator form opinions on many issues for many reasons.
One of the primary things I do as mediator is to help you to evaluate the pros and cons of your position in a dispute and provide you with the information you need in order to make an educated decision about resolution. My opinion is critical to this process and will likely be based on the totality of the information from both sides, not merely that of one party. Although because of confidentiality, I may not be able to disclose the information to you, having an opinion from an unbiased source, based on such information may be very helpful to you in making choices.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Don’t be afraid of anger – angry people can’t lie.
The first step to resolve any conflict is to defuse anger.But do not be afraid of anger.An angry person can’t lie because anger is a primitive emotional response.To lie, you must control your emotions and turn on your intellect.So when someone is angry, whatever they are telling you contains some truth.Beware that this does not stop good actors.A good actor merely appears to be angry as they try to control the situation
There are several reasons for anger:
To vent. An angry person needs to let off steam and release the anger that may have been brewing for a long time.To resolve the conflict you need to allow this to happen, but try to control it by reframing their issues.
To get the listener’s attention. An angry person wants to know that you are paying attention.Use good listening skills to demonstrate that you are paying attention.
To be heard. An angry person wants someone to listen to their point of view.To resolve the conflict, you need to acknowledge the feelings you hear so that the speaker knows you appreciate how angry they are.
To be understood. An angry person wants someone to appreciate how they feel.Therefore try to empathize with their experience so that they feel you understand the situation, and acknowledge their ‘right’ to feel the way they do.This does not mean that you should agree with their justification.You do want to remain neutral in the conflict and not pick sides.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
The resolution of a dispute does not just occur on the day of the mediation. Each participant to mediation needs to prepare their own strategy for negotiation in the settlement. Based on my experience as a mediator, these are a collection of tasks each participant needs to complete and to discuss with their council and the mediator before the mediation.
These tasks and the discussion with the mediator are confidential. They are confidential under both Attorney Client privilege and under mediation confidential provisions in court rules, statutes, and standards.
Task #4: How are you going to deal with them after the dispute?
In the previous task, you were asked to describe what you wanted life and/or business to look like five years after the dispute has been resolved. This task is more focused on how you are going to deal with your opponents five to ten years after the dispute is resolved.
The easy answer to this question is that ‘I never want anything to do with them again.’ If the dispute is an automobile accident then that might work as an answer. But if your opponents are commercial suppliers, customers, fellow businesses in a limited market, employees or employers, neighbors, and even family, the question becomes a lot more challenging.
I have mediated boundary line and other disputes between neighbors. It becomes a lot more difficult to resolve when both neighbors realize that they will still be living next door to each other for possibly decades. I have also mediated disputes with family owned business. They had to take into account the likelihood of having to sit down for Thanksgiving dinner with each other. There were also the unintended impacts on other family relationships that were not in dispute. Commercial enterprises need to evaluate the publicity of the dispute and the possible need for an on going business relationship now and in the future.
Carefully list and count the costs regarding different solutions to the dispute. Might there be a better settlement that reduces future conflict. Also evaluate the costs of litigating the dispute to its conclusion on the future relationship to your opponents.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Tasks for reaching a mediated settlement to a dispute
The resolution of a dispute does not just occur on the day of the mediation. Each participant to mediation needs to prepare their own strategy for negotiation in the settlement. Based on my experience as a mediator, these are a collection of tasks each participant needs to complete and to discuss with their council and the mediator before the mediation.
These tasks and the discussion with the mediator are confidential. They are confidential under both Attorney Client privilege and under mediation confidential provisions in court rules, statutes, and standards.
Task #7: What If you truly disagree upon with your mediation opponents?
In Task #6, you were asked to search for some potential common ground you might have with your mediation opponents to help facilitate a voluntary agreement to settle this matter. Now you need to flip the question around and come up with the significant issues that you disagree upon.
Strangely enough this will help the mediator to focus the mediation session upon the real and lasting issues of the dispute. Then everyone can focus on the task at hand to develop together a voluntary agreement to resolve the dispute. For example, breach of contract might be agreed upon, but whether it is a major or minor breach is the true disagreement. Likewise, there might not be a disagreement on liability but it is the measure of damages that is the true dispute. Even then, there might be considerable agreement.
Review these disagreements with your attorney and confidentially with the mediator.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on feelings and emotions.
Feelings and emotions – Many people let their feelings and emotions become a major influence over how they deal with conflict. Conflicts can also occur because people ignore their own or others’ feelings and emotions. Other conflicts occur when feelings and emotions differ over a particular issue.
I began with “many people let their feelings and emotions become a major influence…” In reality, all people have emotional responses to conflict. Some are just not being honest with themselves. Pride is a major driver of the emotions. Feelings and emotions impact the ability to resolve a conflict regardless of the value in dispute.
For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on values.
Values are beliefs or principles we consider to be very important. Serious conflicts arise when people hold incompatible values or when values are not clear. Conflicts also arise when one party refuses to accept the fact that the other party holds something as a value rather than a preference. To resolve the conflict, clarify each party’s values.
Values influence perceptions and at times it is hard to distinguish the two concepts. In resolving conflicts, it is easier to equate the two in order to bring resolution. Just be aware that values influence perceptions.
Just looking at a common definition of the word will help: the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. Likewise – a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. Useful synonyms: principles, ethics, moral code, morals, standards, code of behavior.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
The ingredients of any conflict is power. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on power.
Power – How people define and use power is an important influence on the number and types of conflicts that occur. This also influences how conflict is managed. Conflicts can arise when people try to make others change their actions or to gain an unfair advantage.
Power is a powerful human motivation. In difficult conflicts, there are only two real reasons we as humans act.
One is for stimulation.
The other and more important one is to establish the perception of control of the situation.
We are all looking for control of our situation. Everyone wants to establish or reestablish the perception of control.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Perceptions are part of any conflict. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on perceptions.
Perceptions – All humans interpret reality differently. They perceive differences in the severity, causes and consequences of problems. Misperceptions or differing perceptions may come from: self-perceptions, others’ perceptions, differing perceptions of situations and perceptions of threat. How something is framed will affect its perception. So in conflict resolution, reframing is an important task to get to a solution.
Just by observing the news of the world, we can easily see that different people perceive a situation totally differently. The perceptions are influenced by different histories, geographic locations, religious values, etc. They are what we all bring to the table.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Four characteristics a good mediator brings to the table.
This and many other topics will be revealed in: The “End Game” of Mediation and How to Succeed at It [A Comprehensive Road Map to the Mediation Process] on Tuesday, March 10, 4:30 pm – 8:30 pm @ the Contra Costa Bar Association.
Speakers Ken Strongman, Esq. and Malcolm Sher, Esq. will lead a program for Advocates designed to create a highly positive mediation experience and outcome for themselves and their clients. These two successful mediators will discuss some of the best practices for negotiation and to prepare the client, advocate, mediator and opposition for the mediation journey.
The Contra Costa County Bar Association certifies that this activity has been approved for 3 hours of General MCLE credit by the State Bar of California, Provider #393.
NOW FOR THE ANSWER: Four characteristics a good mediator brings to the table.
1. Able to quickly build trust and confidence
2. Excellent inter-personal skills: Patience and a sense of humor
3. Creativity in assisting parties and counsel in shaping a solution
4. Reputation in the legal and mediation community to do every thing they can to encourage and assist in settlement
For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
The 7 advantages of a joint mediation session and many other topics will be revealed in: The “End Game” of Mediation and How to Succeed at It [A Comprehensive Road Map to the Mediation Process] on Tuesday, March 10, 4:30 pm – 8:30 pm @ the Contra Costa Bar Association.
Speakers Ken Strongman, Esq. and Malcolm Sher, Esq. will lead a program for Advocates designed to create a highly positive mediation experience and outcome for themselves and their clients. These two successful mediators will discuss some of the best practices for negotiation and to prepare the client, advocate, mediator and opposition for the mediation journey.
The Contra Costa County Bar Association certifies that this activity has been approved for 3 hours of General MCLE credit by the State Bar of California, Provider #393.
NOW FOR THE ANSWER: Seven advantages of a joint mediation session:
1. To see and hear the other side
2. To look at pictures and other evidence, both sides at once
3. It gives each side an opportunity to size up the other
4. Talk with each other as oppose to using agents
5. To evaluate the style of each attorney
6. To evaluate the preparedness of each side
7. To see the body language of each attorney and party (everyone)
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
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About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
