Ken Strongman, Esq. – Mediator

Category: Conflict Resolution

What is Conflict Resolution and how to resolve conflicts.

  • A working definition of a Conflict.

    NYLT_Ken_Strongman 02 A working definition of a Conflict.

    What is a working definition of a Conflict. Conflicts can occur when people disagree with each other and are unable to find a reasonable compromise.  The roots of these disagreements can arise from many sources including differences in personality, values and perceptions.  They also can and often do arise when there is a difference in the goals and visions of the group.

    Most conflicts that require mediation occur when there is a difference in the perceived outcome.   Historical arguments have occurred over whether bananas are fruits or vegetables; or, whether the order was for frying chickens or broiling chickens.  Parts are not parts for most people.  Both of these issues had to be resolved by the United States Supreme Court.

    In NYLT we teach that as leaders they will need to handle the differences that arise between members of the team they are leading.  Conflicts may be minor or they may fester into something that can damage team spirit and ability to work together effectively.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

     

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Teaching youth how to resolve conflicts.

    Communication skills to resolve conflicts

    Teaching youth how to resolve conflicts.

    I’m privileged to be an adult staff member for a National Youth Leadership Training (NYLT) course.  It is a very satisfying experience and a lot of fun.  One key topic on the course is how to resolve conflicts as a leader.  This blog is adapted from this course.

    Leading the youth through this necessary topic allows me to bring my professional expertise in settling disputes to the more practical issues of conflict resolution.   The course can be applied to any situation as a young person or adult.

    The learning objectives of the conflict resolution course are:

    1. Know and articulate several ways that good leadership can minimize conflict.
    2. Understand how the acronym E.A.R.  can be used as a tool for resolving conflicts (Express, Address, Resolve).
    3. Use several communications skills important for resolving conflicts
    4. Know when, as a leader, the resolution of a conflict is beyond your expertise and how to seek help in resolving the conflict.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • With the right tools we can handle more conflict.

    handle
    Tools to handle conflict

    Mediation is conflict at its best.   All of the tools, I, as a mediator brings to the mediation help manage the conflict to a great resolution.

    Management expert Margaret Heffernan postulated five counterintuitive guidelines learned in her years running businesses and organizations in her TEDGlobal 2012 presentation.

    Her insight has great implications for successful mediations.  I have always contended that mediation is conflict at it best and her insight bares this out.   Heffernan has developed five guidelines for productive disagreement.

    1. Appoint a devil’s advocate
    2. Find allies
    3. Listen for what is NOT being said
    4. Imagine you cannot do what you all want to do
    5. After a decision is made, declare a cooling off period

    These are counter intuitive guidelines because it is assumed in mediation as well as life that we need to avoid conflict; smooth it over if we have to and compromise if all else fails.   Our job is not to avoid, smooth over or compromise, it is to find a better way.

    Explains Heffernan: “All of these guidelines are neutral and designed to aid exploration rather than judgment. There’s never any reason not to try these — who doesn’t want to make better decisions?”

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • In Conflict, it is never a bad idea to have a cooling off period

    Margaret Heffernan final counterintuitive idea to encourage healthy conflict would be after a decision is made, declare a cooling off period.    Her suggestion is to ask everyone to go home and think about the decision on their own as well as discuss it with their associates.  Then come back after a prescribed amount of time and ask the group: does the decision still look great?

    In the real world that is a great idea but not always practical.   That is why I prefer to allocate the entire day to my mediations.   It allows everyone time to cool off through out the day and to make the emotional journey towards a great settlement.  It is still an emotional journey even if the dispute is a multi-million dollar construction defect case or paten infringement case.

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Why I joined the ADR section – article

    Here is the article that was just published in the Contra Costa Lawyer, Volume 26, Number 1- January 2013.  I am starting an exciting years as Chair of the ADR Section of the Contra Costa Bar Association.

    Meet Your Section Leaders – Alternative Dispute Resolution

    Ken Strongman

    How has section membership benefited your practice?

    I joined the ADR Section so that I could be on the cutting edge of the way we resolve disputes in our so­ciety, including the way we litigate in California. I did it so that my cor­porate clients would always benefit from the earliest thoughts and pro­cesses available and that my media­tion practice would correspondingly expand and be the best it could be.

    On my own, I would have had zero influence on the profession. As part of the ADR section, we collectively help direct the future of Alternative Dispute Resolu­tion processes in Contra Costa and the State of Califor­nia. This has allowed my practice to be in the forefront of ADR. Rarely will my general counsel clients be criti­cized for selecting me as a mediator. They are able to confidently tell their parties that they tried everything to avoid litigating and incurring additional legal fees and their company bosses can then assure their direc­tors and shareholders that they have retained the best.

    Besides being on the forefront of ADR, we are able to ad­vise Courts and members of the Bar as to the best prac­tices ADR has to offer. Currently, we are actively help­ing the Courts develop rules, policies and procedures to avoid having justice grind to a halt in our current Court budget crisis. I am also able to modify my practice to pre­pare for the coming changes in rules, policies and proce­dures.

    At every one of our programs, be it a formal presentation or informal roundtable, I learn something new that will benefit my mediation practice in concrete ways. Every one of our events is designed to benefit the ADR practi­tioner – whether it be a roundtable on mediation prac­tice marketing, or our yearly specialized class on How to Mediate with Self Represented Litigants.

    Why should someone join the ADR Section?

    By joining the section, ADR practitioners and those who participate in ADR as an advocate for their clients will benefit themselves and their clients in knowing the direction of dispute resolution in Contra Costa and the way litigation will occur in California in the continuing Court budget crisis

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Imagine you cannot do what you all want to do.

    Imagin
    imagine

    Imagine

    Imagine you cannot do what you all want to do.  Management expert Margaret Heffernan postulated this counterintuitive idea learned in her years running businesses and organizations in her TEDGlobal 2012 presentation.

    In other words, think about what you would do if you could fire someone, if you could change the timetable, or if you were allowed to cancel the deal. If you could do any of those things — would you still proceed with your plan? What are the hidden orthodoxies nobody is challenging?

    To resolve conflicts we all have to think outside the box.  Often times in mediation, what one party wants can’t happen.   This occurs even if they would have won in court.   The mediator’s job is to help them to see what the various true outcomes might be.

    Margaret Heffernan (born 1955) is an international businesswoman and writer. She was born in Texas, raised in the Netherlands, educated at Cambridge University and settled in the UK near the city of Bath.

    She is the author of five books: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman’s Manifesto about Business and What Really Matters, How She Does It (published in paperback as Women on Top), Willful Blindness: Why We Ignore the Obvious at our Peril, A Bigger Prize: Why Competition isn’t Everything and How We Do Better, and Beyond Measure – a short book commissioned by TED. While Heffernan’s first two books focused on these issues as they impact women in the workplace, her overarching theme has been the need to recognize and release the talent that often lies buried inside organizations, under-valued and under-rewarded because it is unconventional. Heffernan’s voice is primarily one of critical challenge, taking little at face value and regularly questioning received wisdom.

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Listen for what is NOT being said.

    said
    Listening to what is not being said

    Listen for what is NOT being said

    Listen for what is NOT being said is counter-intuitive, but very important.  You need to find the elephant in the room.   Listening for what is not being said is the primary job of the mediator.  What we do is listen, clarify and re-frame.  We may notice trends that people embroiled in the conversation simply can’t see.   We give our impressions – not recommendations.

    Margaret Heffernan postulated this counter-intuitive idea by using the following re-framing questions:

    • If the conversation is being framed about money, consider what is not being talked about.
    • If everyone’s talking technology, what have they left out of their equation?

    the key component of a successful mediation

    Listening is most likely the key component of a successful mediation.  Everyone has to listen to all aspects of the conflict in safe surroundings.  That’s why I say that mediation is conflict at its best.

    Margaret Heffernan (born 1955) is an international businesswoman and writer. She was born in Texas, raised in the Netherlands, educated at Cambridge University and settled in the UK near the city of Bath.

    She is the author of five books: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman’s Manifesto about Business and What Really Matters, How She Does It (published in paperback as Women on Top), Willful Blindness: Why We Ignore the Obvious at our Peril, A Bigger Prize: Why Competition isn’t Everything and How We Do Better, and Beyond Measure – a short book commissioned by TED.

    While Heffernan’s first two books focused on these issues as they impact women in the workplace, her overarching theme has been the need to recognize and release the talent that often lies buried inside organizations, under-valued and under-rewarded because it is unconventional. Heffernan’s voice is primarily one of critical challenge, taking little at face value and regularly questioning received wisdom.

    Ken_Strongman_003smAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Find Allies in Your Opponent in a Conflict.

    Allies
    Look for Allies

    Find Allies in Your Opponent in a Conflict.

    Find Allies:  Management expert Margaret Heffernan postulated this counter intuitive idea learned in her years running businesses and organizations in her TEDGlobal 2012 presentation.

    Naturally, the first ally you should seek is your mediator.  As a mediator, it is my job to be your ally and to help you make your opponent an ally to settlement as well.  We do this together by asking tough questions.  Besides the tough questions about the dispute, I also ask broader based questions.

    Ms. Heffernan suggested several general questions to help in this process:

    • Are you okay with this?
    • Does anything about this bother you?
    • Is there another way to frame this question?

    Having allies allows you to work together

    Having allies allows you to work together to be creative and solve the problem.  In her talk, Heffernan shared a stunning statistic: 85% of executives had concerns with their company that they were afraid to raise, out of fear of the conflict that would ensue. Heffernan warns that this not only means that businesses aren’t getting the best work out of their employees, but that issues which could be nipped in the bud internally perpetuate themselves.  Therefore don’t avoid conflict – embrace it.

    Margaret Heffernan

    Margaret Heffernan (born 1955) is an international businesswoman and writer. She was born in Texas, raised in the Netherlands, educated at Cambridge University and settled in the UK near the city of Bath.

    She is the author of five books: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman’s Manifesto about Business and What Really Matters, How She Does It (published in paperback as Women on Top), Willful Blindness: Why We Ignore the Obvious at our Peril, A Bigger Prize: Why Competition isn’t Everything and How We Do Better, and Beyond Measure – a short book commissioned by TED.

    While Heffernan’s first two books focused on these issues as they impact women in the workplace, her overarching theme has been the need to recognize and release the talent that often lies buried inside organizations, under-valued and under-rewarded because it is unconventional. Heffernan’s voice is primarily one of critical challenge, taking little at face value and regularly questioning received wisdom.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Mediation outside the USA in Europe – the differences

    Outside the USA
    Mediation outside the USA

    Mediation Outside the USA in Europe

    My Mediation Society Colleagues, Bruce Edwards, Patrice Prince and Dana Curtis shared their observations on Mediation in Europe at a recent breakfast meeting. They attended the International Summer School on Business Mediation in Admont, Austria this last summer.  Here are some of their observations European Mediation from my notes:

    • Mediation is a social process not a legal one.  In the USA, mediation is associated with the courts.  In Europe they do not mediate in the shadow of the law.
    • They work at “dispute design”.  In other words they are looking at the organization to see how they might eliminate the points of potential conflict.  They do not concentrate on the individual dispute between individuals.  Over 80% of the firms in Europe are family owned.  Therefore any dispute has family issues involved.
    • They view mediation as a social and psychological process and not primarily a legal process.
    • And finally, there are few retired judges doing mediation.

    The International Summer School on Business Mediation (ISBM)

    The International Summer School on Business Mediation (ISBM) is an international event presented by and for business mediators. Since 2012 it is also for consultants, executives and managers. Every two years, participants from all over Europe and the United States come together for a week to work and live jointly.
    Each annual conference program is organized around a central theme, with a variety of theoretical and methodological approaches developed in different professions and disciplines. Discourse at both practical and conceptual levels enables each participant to integrate new methods into his or her current mediation approach and to develop further his or her own stance as a mediator.

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Our friend the Devil’s Advocate.

    Our friend the Devil’s Advocate.

    Our friend the Devil’s Advocate is the first of Margaret Heffernan’s counterintuitive guidelines. It is useful conflict resolution to appoint a devil’s advocate.  Someone whose excellence is demonstrated by the quality of questions they asked.  Great questions include:

    • What are the best reasons not to do this?
    • Why are we here today?
    • What don’t we know that, if we did know, would change our decision?
    • What is wrong with our case?
    • If we had more money or time, what would we do?
    • Where do we want to be in 5-years?
    • If this were a documentary, what would be the narrative arc?

    Generally, it’s important that different people play the role of devil’s advocate.  If it is always the same person, the group will tune them out and they will get burned out.  But it is the mediator’s role to ask these and other hard questions.  That is the only way we can achieve a useful settlement.

    Margaret Heffernan (born 1955) is an international businesswoman and writer. She was born in Texas, raised in the Netherlands, educated at Cambridge University and settled in the UK near the city of Bath.

    She is the author of five books: The Naked Truth: A Working Woman’s Manifesto about Business and What Really Matters, How She Does It (published in paperback as Women on Top), Willful Blindness: Why We Ignore the Obvious at our Peril, A Bigger Prize: Why Competition isn’t Everything and How We Do Better, and Beyond Measure – a short book commissioned by TED.

    While Heffernan’s first two books focused on these issues as they impact women in the workplace, her overarching theme has been the need to recognize and release the talent that often lies buried inside organizations, under-valued and under-rewarded because it is unconventional. Heffernan’s voice is primarily one of critical challenge, taking little at face value and regularly questioning received wisdom.

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.