Needs are ingredients of any conflict. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are needs, perceptions, power, values, and feelings and emotions. Today, I am focusing on needs.
Needs – Needs are physical requirements essential to our well-being. Conflicts arise when we ignore others’ needs, our own needs or the group’s needs. It is important to not confuse needs with desires. Desires are the things we would like to have but are not essential to our survival.
By the time it is necessary to resolve a conflict; usually the needs are lost or hidden by the other ingredients of the conflict. Therefore it is important to spend time ascertaining those needs.
For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.
About the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
Ambient intimacy or ambient awareness is more than social media noise.
Ambient awareness on Twitter is only one aspect of Social Media that Legal Professionals need to master. My Project Social Media presents my thoughts regarding the impact of social media marketing on the practice of law. See my page to for more information.
Therefore let’s continue the topic of what ways a Legal Professional can use Twitter.
Ambient Intimacy
Ambient intimacy or ambient awareness is more than social media noise. It is the ability to keep in touch with people that you can’t otherwise because of time and space. It is saying “good morning” as you are walking down the hallway. You stay familiar with them by becoming away of the mundane issues of life.
Who wants this level of detail? Isn’t this all just annoying noise? There is great value in this ongoing noise. It helps us get to know people who would otherwise be just acquaintances that we would otherwise loose track. It makes us feel closer to people we care for but in whose lives we’re not able to participate as closely as we’d like.
Knowing details creates intimacy. It also saves a lot of time when you finally do get to meet face to face with these people in real life. It’s not so much about meaning, it’s just about being in touch.
Mikhail Bakhtin called it “the phatic function.” It is like saying “Good Morning” as you pass someone in the hall when you have no intention of finding out anything else. The phatic function is communication simply to indicate that communication can occur. It’s not so important what gets said as that it’s nice to stay in contact with people.
These light exchanges typify the kind of communication that arises among people who are saturated with other forms of communication. Another way to look at it is in child development. Out of sight out of mind: if the drops out of the baby, the baby forgets about it. By continuing to communicate in short bursts, those around us know we still exist: “Hi. I’m here and still practicing law”.
Next time, I will discuss more ways Twitter can be used by legal professionals.
**Why the picture of flowing water? Twitter is a constant flow of information and communications.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
How to persuade others using rhetorical questions? Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.
It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *
Rhetorical Questions
Rhetorical Questions are questions that strongly suggest the answer. I almost never use this form of persuasion in mediation. If I do it at all, it is towards the end of the day.
How they work
Rhetorical Questions are a form of direct persuasion. As a Mediator, I become an “agent of reality” in order to sow doubt and attitude change.
Effectiveness
Not effective because it increases the perception of pressure resulting in the mediator loosing the trust of the parties. Thinking therefore stops. That is why I very seldom use rhetorical questions.
Why they don’t work
It increases the impression of pressure from the questioner. Questions are seen as less knowledgeable than previously in the mediation. The parties question the mediator’s knowledge base. It makes me appear that I don’t know what is going on, which is not true. It does reduce message acceptance. Furthermore, it interferes with message elaboration and self-persuasion.
*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07
**Why the picture of Cross Country runners? It takes a lot of pursuasion to get them to the finish line.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
How to persuade others by using multiple explanation analysis. Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.
It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *
Multiple explanation analysis or Why I could lose
How it works
This is a form of self persuasion. The party explores alternative theories the justices could apply to the case to change the outcome. Basically, the question is how they might lose the argument.
When working with people to resolve their conflict in mediation, I keep asking simple questions on how they intend to prove their case. I start in the beginning, asking what the true cause of the conflict is and how that will be viewed by a jury. Many times we are offended by some thing only to find out that it is very hard to prove and may in fact not be illegal.
Why it works
By examining every aspect of a case it overcomes single explanation bias. There might be many explanations for what happened and why it happened. In many disputes that I have resolved, they would never have become a major conflict, if someone had just picked up the phone and asked, “What do you mean by this.”
*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07
**Why the picture of Cross Country runners? It takes a lot of pursuasion to get them to the finish line.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
This is the time of the year for the turkey conflict. Thanksgiving is the day we Americans set aside to give thanks. It is most likely the only day when everyone makes an effort to enjoy a meal with their family. The day can be painful for anyone that does not have immediate family around or because of past family conflicts, being around is not practical.
For some reason, it is assumed that the meal will be turkey in some form or another. This is not the turkeys that wandered the woods near Pilgrims’ settlement. It is not even the turkeys that are infesting my neighborhood. One has taken up residence at the gas station that I frequent. While everyone is pumping gas, it is admiring itself in the reflections of the cars and trucks. No the turkeys we insist on eating are bred to be the high point of this one meal a year. That they are bred reduces them to the lowest common denominator of blandness.
Long ago, I developed a total dislike of this type of turkey. If I was to be psychoanalyzed, a connection to the corresponding family discord might be discovered. But being thankful that I am an American, I exercise my God given choice not to eat turkey without being psychoanalyzed.
My dislike started out in my youth. Only turkey was served for both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. Those dinners were rotated between my aunts in San Francisco and our house. There was intense competition between my mother and my aunts to find the most economical bird. In other words, they would look for the cheapest per pound bird and would go to great lengths to secure it. At one point the record was 29 cents per pound. Even in olden times that was extremely cheap. The taste matched the price – cheap.
One year, my mother, after considerable nagging by the family, invested in a Butterball turkey. That is the kind with the little read button that pops out when it is perfectly done. As was her habit, she put it in the oven before dawn. After the requisite number of hours, the little red button popped out right on queue. Unfortunately, the family was not due to arrive until 1 p.m. and it had reached perfection far faster that previous cheaper birds. Therefore she left it in the oven until noon. There is the dinner scene in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation where everyone watches the dead bird shrivel and is still force to eat it – I’ve lived that.
After marriage, the “discussion” as to having or not having turkey resolved itself. My wonderful wife one year decided to have a big turkey feast with all of the fixings. She purchased a quality frozen 25 plus pound turkey. While readying it for defrosting, it fell out of its perch in the freeze and aimed for her big toe. The ‘pope’s nose’, followed by the other 24 pounds, hit its target with dead accuracy. We spend the entire evening in the emergency room. The toe was broken. Unable to barely stand let alone cook, the job of cooking the dead bird fell to me. Convinced, that was the last time we served Meleagris gallopavo aka dead bird.
I am thankful for a multitude of blessings. One is the privilege not to eat turkey if you don’t want to eat it. May you be thankful for all of your blessings this season and may you avoid the turkey conflict.
·
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
How to persuade others with counter attitudinal advocacy. Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.
It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *
Counter attitudinal Advocacy
This is a fancy term to essentially have one side give the arguments of their opposition, thereby inducing the parties to consider the other perspectives. It is a powerful way to change minds. By making the argument for the other side, they must articulate the other side’s perspective. It creates cognitive dissidence cracking open the thinking process.
How it works
It is a form of self –persuasion. In mediation, I often start out in a private meeting with one side and ask them to tell me what the other side wants to accomplish. Simply put: why are they here? It forces them to set aside their own needs and desires and attempt to look at the problem from the others perspective. Can there be an innocent interpretation of their actions and perspectives? I have the same conversation with the other side when we meet. Together both start to see the problem from different perspectives.
Effectiveness
It works to create a change in attitude. With deeply held beliefs, changes are slow and incremental. By focusing on a different point of view, attitudes do change. I use this process extensively in mediations where there in an on going relationship such as construction and technology industries.
Why it works
When we regard the others persuasive arguments as our “own” we reduce our psychological resistance. Technically, it overcomes single explanation bias. Many times I’ve seen the light bulb go on and real progress is made towards resolving the conflict.
For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.
*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07
**Why the picture of Cross Country runners? It takes a lot of persuasion to get them to the finish line.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Here are the most critical questions to ask each participant in any conflict situation:
“What do you want?”
“What are you doing to get it?”
“Is it working?”
“Do you want to figure out another way?”
The first question one focuses people’s attention on what their real needs are and helps you see more clearly other people’s points of view. The subsequent questions put responsibility on other people to be a party in examining where they are and then in finding pathways to reach where they want to be.
The next two questions are vital. They are questions that empower people. Make sure you give people the time and encouragement to figure out the answers.They need to understand themselves.Too often we skip these questions. We ask, “What do you want?” and then jump immediately to a variation of question four, telling someone what we think they should do.
Question four gives them a way to invite you to help them explore other approaches to a problem. It encourages a cooperative effort—working together to help everyone get what they want.
Remember, you can’t control another person, but you can persuade. You can join forces with them in a mutual search for a solution.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
Here are Creative thoughts on conflict resolution.
As is all leadership, conflict happens.It needs to be resolved but if not resolved in the right way, the conflict will create other problems.
Accept the fact that conflict is going to happen. Decide to take positive steps to manage it. When it occurs, discuss the conflict openly with the group.
Deal with one issue at a time. There may be more than one issue involved in the conflict at one time. Someone in the group needs to provide leadership to identify the issues involved. Then only one issue at a time can be addressed so the problem is manageable.
If there is another problem from the past blocking current communication, list it as one of the issues in this conflict. It may have to be dealt with before the current conflict can be resolved.
Choose the right time for resolution. Individuals have to be willing to address the conflict. We are likely to resist if we feel we are being forced into negotiations.
Avoid reacting to unintentional remarks. Words like “always” and “never” may be said in the heat of battle and do not necessarily convey what the speaker means. Anger will increase the conflict rather than bring it closer to resolution.
Be sure to question resolutions that come too soon or too easily. People need time to think about all possible solutions and the impact of each. Quick answers may disguise the real problem. All parties need to feel some satisfaction with the resolution if they are to accept it. Conflict resolutions should not be rushed.
Discourage name calling and threatening behavior. Don’t corner the opponent. All parties need to preserve their dignity and self-respect. Threats usually increase the conflict and payback can occur some time in the future when we least expect it.
Remember agreeing to disagree is an option. Respect for one another and the value of relationships are two good reasons to disagree, but to choose not to allow the disagreement to interfere with the group.
Remember handled correctly, humor can be powerful.But proceed very carefully.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
In any leadership training, the new leader must be trained to resolve conflicts. They must do all of the following.
Acknowledge that a difficult situation exists. Honesty and clear communication play an important role in the resolution process. Acquaint yourself with what’s happening and be open about the problem.
Let individuals express their feelings. Some feelings of anger and/or hurt usually accompany conflict situations. Before any kind of problem-solving can take place, these emotions should be expressed and acknowledged.
Define the problem. What is the stated problem? What is the negative impact on the work or relationships? Are differing personality styles parts of the problem? Meet with team members separately at first and question them about the situation.
Determine underlying need. The goal of conflict resolution is not to decide which person is right or wrong; the goal is to reach a solution that everyone can live with. Looking first for needs, rather than solutions, is a powerful tool for generating good options. To discover needs, you must try to find out why people want the solutions they initially proposed. Once you understand the advantages their solutions have for them, you have discovered their needs.
Find common areas of agreement, no matter how small:
·Agree on the problem
·Agree on the procedure to follow
·Agree on worst fears
·Agree on some small change to give an experience of success
Find solutions to satisfy needs.
·Problem-solve by generating multiple alternatives
·Determine which actions will be taken
·Make sure involved parties buy into actions. (Total silence may be a sign of passive resistance.) Be sure you get real agreement from everyone.
Determine follow-up you will take to monitor actions.
How will you determine if the agreement is being followed?What are the benchmarks?
Determine what you’ll do if the conflict goes unresolved. If the conflict is causing a disruption and it remains unresolved, you may need to explore other avenues.Let the participants know that’s an option.
**For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
People tend to believe that mediation begins when all concerned parties meet in the mediation room and take their places at the mediation table. Mediation begins when disputing parties agree to participate in a private mediation or when a Judge suggests that they attempt mediation.
Pre-mediation
This pre-mediation phase is frequently overlooked and underestimated for the potential power it has over the outcome of a mediation session.
Preparation is the Key
Would any one perform in a play without holding a rehearsal? The answer obviously is “No.” Yet, people often go into mediation with very little or no preparation for what could be one of the most important days of their lives. This is even more significant when you consider that decisions made during mediation can have critical, life-changing effects for not only the disputants, but for their companies as well. Therefore parties should not overlook this phase and begin detailed preparations for the mediation.
About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator. He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
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About the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.
