Ken Strongman, Esq. – Mediator

Tag: mediation

  • The ingredients of any conflict – Power

    Power
    Power is an ingredient of conflict

    The ingredients of any conflict is power

    The ingredients of any conflict is power. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on power.

    Power – How people define and use power is an important influence on the number and types of conflicts that occur. This also influences how conflict is managed. Conflicts can arise when people try to make others change their actions or to gain an unfair advantage.

    Power is a powerful human motivation. In difficult conflicts, there are only two real reasons we as humans act.

    One is for stimulation.

    The other and more important one is to establish the perception of control of the situation.

    We are all looking for control of our situation. Everyone wants to establish or reestablish the perception of control.
    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.

    © 2022 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Don’t be afraid of anger – angry people can’t lie.

    don't be afraid
    Don’t be afraid.

    Don’t be afraid of anger – angry people can’t lie.

    The first step to resolve any conflict is to defuse anger.  But do not be afraid of anger.  An angry person can’t lie because anger is a primitive emotional response.  To lie, you must control your emotions and turn on your intellect.  So when someone is angry, whatever they are telling you contains some truth.  Beware that this does not stop good actors.  A good actor merely appears to be angry as they try to control the situation

    There are several reasons for anger:

    To vent. An angry person needs to let off steam and release the anger that may have been brewing for a long time.  To resolve the conflict you need to allow this to happen, but try to control it by reframing their issues. 

    To get the listener’s attention. An angry person wants to know that you are paying attention.  Use good listening skills to demonstrate that you are paying attention.

    To be heard. An angry person wants someone to listen to their point of view.  To resolve the conflict, you need to acknowledge the feelings you hear so that the speaker knows you appreciate how angry they are.

    To be understood. An angry person wants someone to appreciate how they feel.  Therefore try to empathize with their experience so that they feel you understand the situation, and acknowledge their ‘right’ to feel the way they do.  This does not mean that you should agree with their justification.  You do want to remain neutral in the conflict and not pick sides.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

     

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

    © 2022 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or re-post without permission.

  • What am I getting for my money when I hire a mediator?

    Hire a mediator
    Hire a mediator.

    What am I actually getting for my money when I hire a mediator?

    When you hire me as your mediator, you are buying the opportunity, through a neutral third party, to evaluate with someone who is an objective “sounding board,” your real needs (personal, economic, spiritual, etc.) and to evaluate which dispute resolution process will best help you meet those needs.

    *    You are buying my opinions and impressions of “your first juror,” as to existing information/evidence and that which is non-existent.

    *    You are buying an opportunity to become more informed of the risks and benefits involved in resolving or litigating a dispute.

    *    You are buying an opportunity to address and resolve differences of opinion or expectation between you and your client, you and other professionals or between several clients (business partners, etc.).

    *    In addition, you are buying many things that can’t be quantified, unique to your particular dispute, which come with the intervention of an experienced neutral.

    I am usually hired as a mediator because of my perceived ability to resolve a dispute.

    Mediators don’t settle cases, parties do! What you are really buying are choices.  My value as a mediator is my expertise in guiding all of the parties involved in a dispute to a point where there are new, real and often difficult choices created. It is up to you to evaluate those choices, in light of the insights you gain through the mediation process, and choose that one which will end the dispute in the manner that brings you the most complete resolution. In getting to that point, whether that choice is to accept a proposed settlement or continue on the path to litigation, you have gotten “your money’s worth”.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or re-post without permission.

  • Values – One of The ingredients of any conflict

    Values
    Values are important in conflicts

    The ingredients of any conflict – Values

    Values are important within any conflict.

    All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on values.

    Values are beliefs or principles we consider to be very important. Serious conflicts arise when people hold incompatible values or when values are not clear. Conflicts also arise when one party refuses to accept the fact that the other party holds something as a value rather than a preference. To resolve the conflict, clarify each party’s values.

    Values influence perceptions and at times it is hard to distinguish the two concepts. In resolving conflicts, it is easier to equate the two in order to bring resolution. Just be aware that values influence perceptions.

    Just looking at a common definition of the word will help: the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something. Likewise – a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. Useful synonyms: principles, ethics, moral code, morals, standards, code of behavior.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or re-post without permission.

  • I’m tired of being called a Mediation Neutral.

    neutral
    Mediation Neutral

    I’m tired of being called a Mediation Neutral.

    Most Mediators describe themselves as being a neutral.  It doesn’t help that the courts and clients expect us to be neutral and describes us as such.  But mediators in Europe have difficulty with the description.

    In the German Language the term for neutral most closely translates back into English as ‘null’.  So translating it back to English, to be a null means a Mediator as a neutral is without value, effect, consequence, or significance. Further more a Mediator amounts to nothing and is nonexistent.  In math when a variable has no value, it is considered to be null. Having a null value is different than having a value of zero, since zero is an actual value.

    No wonder Europeans have had difficulties with the term neutral.  I am much more than a zero let alone a null.  The German term used to describe what a Mediator does is a better description of what I do without speaking German.  Their term encompasses the following ideas:

    • I’m parcel to everyone equally.
    • I’m acting for everyone and in everyone’s best interest.
    • I advocate for a just solution to the dispute.
    • I’m attentive to all the interests of the parties.

    This concept is better idea of what I am as a mediator.   I am not a potted plant just sitting there all day hoping that a solution pops up.  I work hard with the parties to find a just solution in a timely manner.

    Thanks to my Mediation Society Colleagues, Bruce Edwards, Patrice Prince and Dana Curtis for sharing this idea.  They attended the International Summer School on Business Mediation in Admont, Austria this last summer.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken Strongman, MediatorAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or re-post without permission.

  • Listening is the best way to resolve conflicts.

    The better the information you have, the greater your chances of finding a workable solution.  Listen carefully to what others are saying, not judging until you hear everyone’s story.  Be aware of tone of voice, body language, and other clues.  Understand what each person is expressing – what he wants and what he is willing to do to get there.  Then clarify that the solution lies with all parties. 

    Listen carefully to what others are saying without judgment until you have everyone’s side of the story.  Clarify what you have heard and then re-frame it back to each party.  Remember the solution lays with both parties not you.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.  

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders.  Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution.  This blog is adapted from my training materials. 

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or re-post without permission.

  • Ingredients of conflict – Perceptions

    Perceptions out the window of alcatraz.
    Perceptions are important

    The ingredients of any conflict – Perceptions

    Perceptions are part of any conflict. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are Needs, Perceptions, Power, Values, and Feelings and Emotions. Today, I am focusing on perceptions.

    Perceptions – All humans interpret reality differently. They perceive differences in the severity, causes and consequences of problems. Misperceptions or differing perceptions may come from: self-perceptions, others’ perceptions, differing perceptions of situations and perceptions of threat. How something is framed will affect its perception. So in conflict resolution, reframing is an important task to get to a solution.

    Just by observing the news of the world, we can easily see that different people perceive a situation totally differently. The perceptions are influenced by different histories, geographic locations, religious values, etc. They are what we all bring to the table.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or re-post without permission.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.

  • Conflicts @Thanksgiving – How to Avoid

    Rockwell Thanksgiving
    Idealized Thanksgiving

    Thanksgiving conflicts reduces anyone’s ability to be thankful. Thanksgiving is sometimes referred to as forced family time. It is ripe for all kinds of potential conflicts.  Here are some things to minimize or avoid conflicts on the big day without lowering your expectations of being truly thankful.    

    ·     Realize that Norman Rockwell was a fraud.  His famous Thanksgiving painting is a total fantasy.   I’ve been told that when he painted it, each of the models posed separately.  So naturally they appear happy.  They were not in the same room with the others and they obviously didn’t have to eat the food.  They couldn’t because it had to remain for the next model.

    ·     Speaking of food… for all of those that have recently converted to a vegan diet or just discovered the South Beach, North Beach or West Beach diet, or have any dietary restrictions based on health: the only statement on the subject you can make is (with a smile) – “No, Thank you” while you are passing the plates.   

    ·     Thanksgiving is not the time to proselytize anyone to a life free of all of the cholesterol choking cancer causing food on the table.   Yes, stress causes heart attacks.  But stress doesn’t come from always eating the wrong foods, it also comes from people reminding (nagging) you not to eat certain foods. 

    ·     For those of you on a diet at Thanksgiving and can’t see anything on the table the diet will allow you to eat, and you still want to be true to your diet.  Just remember you do want to loose weight so not eating anything would still be a good thing. 

    ·     Speaking of proselytizing…Thanksgiving should be a time to be thankful that we are blessed in this country with the privilege to not have to talk politics 365-days a year.  Thanksgiving is the time to eat the turkey and to stop talking about the turkeys running the country. 

    ·     Realize that everyone does not have to do the same thing all the time.  For some (or a whole lot of people) cheering on their favorite football team with family and friends is just as much a bonding experience as other activities.  Let them watch the game.  At least half the population will be truly thankful their team won.   Being thankful is what it is all about. 

    ·     Some may want to watch football, others might want to play a game of football, other still may want to go out and change the water pump on a car.  That is OK!  Chill out!  Be thankful they are all here and having fun. 

    ·     Thanksgiving is not a time to be thankful for your holiday cruise to the Caribbean, new car, house, job, or any other material thing.   Be thankful for the little things: breathing, the sunrise, food on the table, and laughter.  We are all social people and never truly get along with each other.  If there was no conflict we wouldn’t be human and we need to be thankful that we are human.   

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or re-post without permission.

  • Mediators Playing the Devil’s Advocate

    Devil's Advocate
    Devil’s Advocate

    Mediators Playing the Devil ’s Advocate

    Devil’s Advocate is one of the roles of a mediator. A good mediator such as myself, does not forfeit his personal opinions simply because he serves as a neutral facilitator. These opinions and preconceptions can help inform certain beliefs. However, a strong mediator knows how to view a case from multiple angles. This is an important quality to possess as it helps provide a counter point to a party or attorney’s one-sided approach.

    A Strong Mediator

    A strong mediator gives consideration to the strengths and weaknesses of both sides. When in a private caucus with one side, the mediator may mention a potential weakness in this side’s argument. He may even ask the party what his or her argument would be if he or she was on the other side. He or she may get the attorney to contemplate the same scenario and ask for facts and legal theories that would support the other side.
    By recognizing the strengths of the other side and the weaknesses of their own side, parties can start to contemplate the potential of what would happen if they lose. This can often inspire them to fully participate in negotiations so that they can avoid the possibility of losing the case or facing other adverse effects.

    Sounding Board

    Mediator is a “sounding board” for your arguments, and for offers/counter offers. I can deal with the hypotheticals and be a “coach”, to deliver bad news and explain opponents’ responses to offers. I, as a strong mediator give you an opportunity to explain the case to a neutral person help you and your attorney evaluate your case. Finally, a good mediator helps identify components of solutions from your stand point and delivers bad news to both sides.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

  • Needs: an ingredient of any conflict

    Alcatraz Camping Trip needs
    Ingredients of any conflict – Needs

    Needs are ingredients of any conflict. All conflicts have similar ingredients. They may vary in degree but most are present in some way. The main ingredients are needs, perceptions, power, values, and feelings and emotions. Today, I am focusing on needs.

    Needs – Needs are physical requirements essential to our well-being. Conflicts arise when we ignore others’ needs, our own needs or the group’s needs. It is important to not confuse needs with desires. Desires are the things we would like to have but are not essential to our survival.

    By the time it is necessary to resolve a conflict; usually the needs are lost or hidden by the other ingredients of the conflict. Therefore it is important to spend time ascertaining those needs.

    For an experienced Mediator to help negotiate a resolution to your dispute contact Ken Strongman. Here.

    Ken StrongmanAbout the Author: Ken Strongman, is a private commercial mediator/arbitrator of complex, high risk litigated cases since 2004. Disputes addressed include business, securities, construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, employment, environment, energy, and trusts & estates. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

    © 2021 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

    **For the last decade I’ve been involved with leadership development of tomorrow’s leaders. Using my expertise, I am training the youth leaders in conflict resolution. This blog is adapted from my training materials.