Tag: Ken Strongman

Do you want to master the art of persuasion? Imagine a world where you hold the key to changing minds, where you can skillfully influence conversations with sales pitches, or navigate negotiations and mediations. The art of persuasion is a fundamental part of human interaction, utilized by all of us. In the realm of mediation, persuasion becomes a two-way street, where each party vies to shape the outcome in their favor.

To be an effective mediator, one must engage in various forms of persuasion, not through coercion or manipulation but by employing techniques that foster cooperation and understanding. In this blog, we’ll delve into the fascinating world of “Guilt Appeals” – a powerful tool that taps into our innate sense of justice. We will explore how they work, their effectiveness, and why they hold a unique place in the art of persuasion.

So, are you ready to enhance your persuasive skills and discover the secrets behind guilt appeals? Let’s embark on this enlightening journey together.

Persuading others involves the art of changing minds, a skill that we encounter daily in human discourse. Salespeople, parents, mediators, and countless others employ the art of persuasion as a fundamental tool in their toolkit. In mediation, persuasion is a dynamic process where both parties attempt to sway each other’s opinions long before seeking a compromise. Based on my experience, I’ve learned that to excel as a mediator, one must harness various persuasive techniques. I steer clear of coercive and manipulative practices, instead opting for mediator interventions that facilitate the resolution of deeply rooted or fiercely contested disputes.

Let’s dive into the world of “Guilt Appeals,” a potent method for influencing others. Every human possesses an innate sense of justice, a fundamental part of our being. This sense isn’t solely imparted by our mothers, although they skillfully employ guilt appeals to guide our actions. A quick visit to a preschool playground, regardless of culture, reveals children’s candid judgments about fairness. Consequently, the use of guilt-inducing suggestions regarding bad behavior, along with recommended changes to rectify situations and alleviate guilt, is a global phenomenon.

But what exactly are guilt appeals? They involve highlighting inconsistencies between behaviors and standards, essentially predicting the consequences if someone fails to take a particular action. Their effectiveness is intriguing – as guilt intensifies and becomes more explicit, its power diminishes. The process involves pinpointing the problem (the guilt-inducing suggestion) and presenting the solution (the recommended change) to alleviate guilt. However, there is a downside to this method, as it carries the risk of triggering resentment, anger, and a desire to challenge the message and its messenger.

So, why do guilt appeals work? They tap into the realm of guilt, evoking unpleasant feelings that we instinctively strive to relieve by making amends for our perceived transgressions – a universal human response.

If you find yourself entangled in a dispute and require an experienced Mediator to guide you toward a resolution, don’t hesitate to reach out to Ken Strongman. Your path to resolution begins here!

 About the Author: Ken Strongman  has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is president of the Mediation Society. He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA 

© 2024 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

Persuading others using fear appeals

Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.

It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *

Persuade Using Fear Appeals

Being human, we all have fears. Fear of snakes, spiders, public speaking, etc. We have fears that no one likes us, or will accept us. These are not the fears that I use in a mediation to settle a conflict. Often we do have a fear of the future. What I do is to persuade by fear of the consequences of not settling. I describe in detail the threat and consequences of inaction at the mediation session. I also give each party reasonable assurance the threat can be averted through their conduct taken in mediation.

There is plenty to fear in not resolving a dispute in mediation. There is the financial cost of further endless litigation. There is the loss of time spent in litigation and just sitting around in court waiting.

There is a real fear in most people of having to testify in open court. Once in mediation, one party was shocked to learn that the opposition attorney would grill her and paint her as a liar ruining her reputation. There is also the loss of choice. And there is the fear of loss of control.

How it works

This is a form of direct persuasion. It works best when the threat is described in detail and there is guidance on the actions to be taken to avoid it.

Effectiveness

Appeals that generate the most fear can be the most effective, so long as they convey both serious problems and strong feasible solutions.

Why they work

This process triggers thoughtful appraisal instead of mere emotion, which can neutralize defensive avoidance mechanisms. It neutralizes defensive tendencies such as anger, overconfidence or denial that may be getting in the way of logical thought. It also triggers thinking both about the threat and the subject’s ability to avert it

*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07

**Why the picture of Cross Country runners?  It takes a lot of persuasion to get them to the finish line. 

 About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

© 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

Persuading with Induced Cooperation

Induced cooperation is a form of persuasion. Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.

It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *

Induced Cooperation

In this form of self persuasion, parties work on a common task. These tasks are simple. I often conduct brainstorming sessions to generate all of the issues we need to resolve. It can also be a list of issues that there is an agreement. Conversely, it can be a list of where they do not see eye to eye.

They can be even simpler, such as a shared snack time. This is a time honored tradition in resolving conflicts. It could be a good reason why diplomats participate in a lot of social engagements. Sharing meals is central to the normal socialization in almost every community of humans.

How it works

This self persuasion works by getting the parties to work together and therefore build relationships and generate communication between each other. These can be very simple activities. I usually bring refreshments to the mediation. The act of sharing a meal builds relationships.

More commonly, while in joint session, I conduct some brainstorming activities. They might be a list of all that we need to accomplish before an agreement can be reached. In others, it could what areas or facts that both parties can agree upon. I would drill down to everything they could agree upon no matter how small.

Effectiveness

By keeping the conversation going, this may reduce demonization of the other party. Often they have been at odds since the complaint was filed which in our current day and age can be several years of no contact other than through attorneys.

This process appears to produce greater group cohesion and attitude change. It is a team building exercise. It is a team in search of a settlement agreement. The chief purpose is to generate more and effective communication in the group. When more ideas are verbalized, participates become more attentive to and accepting of other peoples views. Everyone becomes slightly friendlier with greater satisfaction with group process. It becomes a team building exercise with better coordination of effort and orientation to the achievement of the task. Furthermore, it reduces polarity. There is less focus on differences, greater focus on similarities and commonalities of viewpoints. There is increased ability to engage in flexible thinking and to find creative solutions generating reduced egocentrism and increased ability to take the perceptions of others.

How to use it

I used induced cooperation in all stages of my mediation sessions. And I will use it in any way I can. They more I am able to get the real parties to talk to me and more importantly to each other the more likely there will be a solution to the conflict.

*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07

**Why the picture of Cross Country runners?  It takes a lot of persuasion to get them to the finish line. 

 About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

© 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

How to persuade others by orchestrating apologies?

How to you persuade others by orchestrating apologies? Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.

It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *

Orchestrating Apologies

Since most of my mediations are with parties that have on going relationships such as construction, business, and technology, I spend considerable time orchestrating apologies. In a business relationship reconciliation is necessary. To contradict the theme of the Godfather , “it is always personal and not strictly business”.

The time to orchestrate apologies can take several hours of effort. It is negotiation in itself. We need to find out what the offence is exactly. What form will the apology take? Who will apologize to whom? This includes who will be in the room when the apology is given. How much time will be allowed to deliver the apology and any response? And more importantly will the apology be accepted?

Once the time and effort is expended to orchestrate and deliver an apology, solutions to the problem often quickly come into focus. Often the amount in controversy drops quickly and precipitously.

Effectiveness

Apologies are more effective for a single transgression than for a series of transgression over time. But, in the event of a damaged relationship, there is tremendous potential for reconciliation and resolution of the conflict.

The effect of mere expressions of sympathy was dependent on the context. I avoid allowing this to happen. The punitive transgressor needs to know that they did wrong, what they did wrong and why it was wrong. Otherwise the other party could be offended and then dig in to their position if not deepen their position.

Full elaborate apologies are more effective that less elaborate ones. I spend effort setting the stage for the apology. It encourages reconciliation if both parties know what is going to happen.

The more serious the transgression or the greater the harm, the more elaborate the apology must be. This should be self evident. Sometimes, it is necessary to put the apology in writing and include it in the settlement agreement. Since the settlement agreement is usually confidential, there is no loss of face even if it is in writing.

Partial apologies can be unproductive or even counterproductive in the effects on the recipient. I do not encourage or allow partial apologies to take place. I’ve had the misfortune to have very good settlement blow up before they were signed because of a off-handed apology.

In case of less serious injuries less clear culpability or both, any apology even if complete may be better than none. Putting it simply, apologize for what you know you did wrong. Do not under any circumstances apologize for something you are not convinced was wrong. It is not a matter of assuming liability but the other party will not be convinced of your sincerity.

Full settlement apologies push plaintiff’s lawyers in a generally opposite direction. An apology executed correctly has a tendency to low the demands from the other side. If a plaintiff is on a contingence fee agreement, that will lower their pay day.

Why they work

Apologies helping disputants separate past (regrettable) acts from essential (positive) selfhood may be a highly effective form of self-persuasion. Apologies help resolve cognitive dissonance- dissonance effects are strongest (and self persuasion greatest) when actions are inconsistent with self concept of being a good person.

Risks

A successful apology requires skill and expertise. This can’t be emphasized enough. I spend considerable time testing the feasibility of an apology. I will even review it with the opposition before it is delivered.

How they work

If party accepts responsibility for causing injury to the other party, then the offended party makes more positive character related attribution towards the offender. Also, because of the regret, it changes assumptions about future behavior and expectations for the future relationship.

Apologies decrease anger towards the offender and increase sympathy for offender’s perspective especially if offender accepted full responsibility.

Presence or absence of apology affects on offenders parties ‘bottom line’ in legal negotiations well as the parties aspirations and opinion about what constitutes a fair settlement.

Recipients of apology reported less need to punish the other and greater willingness to forgive that those who did not receive apology.

Insincere apologies may actually cause people to react negatively.

*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07

**Why the picture of Cross Country runners?  It takes a lot of persuasion to get them to the finish line. 

 About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

© 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

Persuade Others Using Two-sided Refutational Messages

Refutational messages: what are they and how to persuade others using two-sided refutational messages? Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.

It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *

Two-side Refutational Messages

The basic concept is to present two sides and reasons one side is more persuasive.
This is reality testing. I do it later in the day or mediation session.

It is a road map for evaluating the case. It is also where I earn my mediator’s fee.
It incorporates both sides with lots of detail. What would happen if you went to court?
What would the court do in the end?

It is by its very nature evaluative. At some point during the mediation session, I am always asked what I think the valuation of the conflict. Putting it another way, who do I think will win in court. I do not do this early in the session because I want the parties to see both sides of the issue and hopefully persuade them as to the just outcome.

While doing it later in the session, it shows both sides that I have listened all day and that I know what each side thinks and what their real needs are to settle the case. Many times, both sides have worked hard to come to an agreement and I do not have to lead them through this process. In the end it is persuasion by reviewing the pros and cons of both sides of the issue

How Does This Work

It is a form of direct persuasion with cogent detailed analysis of both perspectives, and conclusion as to which perspective is stronger. My conclusions do have an impact. As a disinterested third party this is what I think of your case. Naturally, I do couch it in terms of my experience and expertise and that a jury might look at it slightly differently. Faced with a conclusion by some one else is a mind altering event.

Effectiveness

1. Messages with explicit overall conclusions are significantly more persuasive than messages without conclusions.
2. Messages with more conclusions and reasoning are significantly more persuasive than messages with generalized conclusions.
3. Two sided messages are more persuasive that one-sided messages

Why they work

Arguments that reveal their sources and are specific are significantly more credible persuasive than their less explicit counterparts.

*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07

**Why the picture of Cross Country runners?  It takes a lot of persuasion to get them to the finish line. 

 About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

© 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

How to persuade others using rhetorical questions? Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.

It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *

Rhetorical Questions

Rhetorical Questions are questions that strongly suggest the answer. I almost never use this form of persuasion in mediation. If I do it at all, it is towards the end of the day.

How they work

Rhetorical Questions are a form of direct persuasion. As a Mediator, I become an “agent of reality” in order to sow doubt and attitude change.

Effectiveness

Not effective because it increases the perception of pressure resulting in the mediator loosing the trust of the parties. Thinking therefore stops. That is why I very seldom use rhetorical questions.

Why they don’t work

It increases the impression of pressure from the questioner. Questions are seen as less knowledgeable than previously in the mediation. The parties question the mediator’s knowledge base. It makes me appear that I don’t know what is going on, which is not true. It does reduce message acceptance. Furthermore, it interferes with message elaboration and self-persuasion.

*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07

**Why the picture of Cross Country runners?  It takes a lot of pursuasion to get them to the finish line. 

 About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

© 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.

How to persuade others by using multiple explanation analysis. Persuasion is the process of changing minds. Persuasion is an everyday part of human discourse. It is used by salesmen, parents, teachers, and many others – basically all of us. Persuasion in mediation is a two-way street. Long before you try to influence another to moderate their demands or consider the other side’s point of view, chances are good that they will have tried to convince you to their position.

It’s my experience in order to be an effective mediator, I must engage in various forms of persuasion. I do not engage in coercive or manipulative persuasion practices by which pressure brought to bear on reluctant participants to get a settlement. I do use a range of potential mediator interventions to help the parties resolve deeply held or competitively bargained differences. *

Multiple explanation analysis or Why I could lose

How it works
This is a form of self persuasion. The party explores alternative theories the justices could apply to the case to change the outcome. Basically, the question is how they might lose the argument.

When working with people to resolve their conflict in mediation, I keep asking simple questions on how they intend to prove their case. I start in the beginning, asking what the true cause of the conflict is and how that will be viewed by a jury. Many times we are offended by some thing only to find out that it is very hard to prove and may in fact not be illegal.

Why it works
By examining every aspect of a case it overcomes single explanation bias. There might be many explanations for what happened and why it happened. In many disputes that I have resolved, they would never have become a major conflict, if someone had just picked up the phone and asked, “What do you mean by this.”

*Stark, James H. and Frenkel, Douglas N., Changing Minds: The Work of Mediators and Empirical Studies of Persuasion (2013). Ohio State Journal on Dispute Resolution, Vol. 28, No. 2, Pg. 263, 2013; U of Penn Law School, Public Law Research Paper No. 11-07

**Why the picture of Cross Country runners?  It takes a lot of pursuasion to get them to the finish line. 

 About the Author: Ken Strongman (www.kpstrongman.com) has years of experience and a growing national reputation as a mediator and arbitrator.  He has successfully resolved more than a thousand disputes in the fields of construction defects, real estate, intellectual property, and employment.  He is also a Mediator and Arbitrator for FINRA.

© 2020 Ken Strongman. All Rights Reserved. Please do not copy or repost without permission.